Pulling Back the Curtain on Durian Gourd’s Camera Roll

I am a lucky man. Last Thursday, Durian Gourd so graciously offered me a level of intimacy that very few individuals will experience during their lifetimes, even as far as married couples go: unrestricted access into his camera roll. That’s right.

He even trusted me so much as to let me do a little show and tell, to entertain Epater’s readers. Some of it was exactly what you’d expect from a creative writer: blue skies, green mountains, Paul Klee, and stilted birds haunting riversides. In broad strokes, however, I was most compelled by what images showed a bit more of an idiosyncratic curiosity towards particular themes.

So, after returning from some of the deepest annals within the private mind of a poet, here’s what I personally found most interesting:

1. Double Banana

Sometimes, it’s precisely what you don’t know about a picture’s context that speaks the loudest. While there’s a clear ‘elephant in the room,’ thinking beyond the most striking question raised by the photo adds additional layers of disorientation. Like, where even is this? Why is there a backpack in the corner? And what are those machines looming beyond the foreground? Why is the composition reminiscent of a young woman instagramming the world’s trendiest cone of ice cream? And how can such a simple variant of something as innocuous as a banana render it so perverse?

For the record, I strongly believe the double banana is caused by a congenital disorder. Chicanery is not out of question, but the idea of someone ripping the shaft out of one banana to squeeze it into the same peel as another is just so fucking stupid that I don’t think anyone would do it.

2. Dead Hand

The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time was one of the first video games I ever played. I didn’t really think too hard about the subtexts presented by the many world-building peculiarities of Hyrule until I found a number of dead bodies (some bandaged and intentionally placed in coffins) and undead creatures at the bottom of the drained village well. One of the latter being this abomination on the right, ‘Dead Hand’ as they call it in the game, which gave me a serious jump scare when he first spawned out of earth.

I’m not sure why Durian has a picture of him superimposed over its in-game habitat. I think it’s a little funny because the specific composition, with the glow added around the fiend’s edges, is reminiscent of a product promotion to me: as if ‘Dead Hand’ is some limited-edition menu item.

3. Emoji Slippers

If I encountered these anywhere, I would definitely cop them. No hesitation.

As far as this picture goes, the only thing that would make it better would be if we got a glimpse of the gourd’s bare, unsocked feet nested snugly within them.

4. Slip of the Fingers @ 7:54

I’m assuming that this is a slip of the fingers, and not something that Durian intentionally added to his camera roll. However useless it might appear, it gives me a vivid cutscene of a disheveled and sleepy man startled, thrust into a primal panic by the harsh noises of an alarm he set for 7:54. A panic and confusion that seemed to get the best of him; enough that he accidentally screenshotted the time, instead of successfully turning off his alarm.

5. The “Mask of Scents”

I knew Durian was a big fan of The Legend of Zelda series, and that’s understandable, because there’s a lot of us to be found, especially online. Usually, fans are more interested in things like character designs, plot premises, breathtaking graphics, or even deep neckbeard-ism in corners of YouTube and Reddit.

It intrigues me that Durian took a particular interest to the “Mask of Scents” seen in The Legend of Zelda: Majora’s Mask. I did some of my own research on this bizarre-looking mask: it makes me wonder what scents I, in particular, would (and wouldn’t) like to experience in 4K.

6. DON’T TOUCH MY SHIT!!!!

From the other content on Durian’s camera roll, it’s apparent that the man enjoys 3D printing as a hobby. This choice of wall art makes me wonder who touched his shit, and what Durian’s untouchable shit might be. Either way, it’s a cool sign. Props to AA3DPRINTING for sharing this 3D model.

7. Crazy Night at Bowlero

Here is a man posing with an exceptionally large anthropomorphic bowling pin man. If you ask me, pictures of pairs cozying up to each other carry this palpable intimacy to them.

Maybe they’re strangers, and one approached the other to document some occasion. In such pictures, there’s always a clear social hierarchy: which one can deduce through their body language. You can always tell who’s the fanboy, and who’s the celebrity, even if only relative. If they’re good friends, or even a romantic couple, there is a hierarchy, too -- one will always look happier to be there than the other.

As the non-pin individual is leaning in more, and seems far more enthused (in contrast to the pin man’s stoically inexpressive countenance) -- it appears that the pin man is the socially dominant one in this situation.

8. Ernie and Bert

I remember these two Chads from my Sesame Street days. I always thought of them as the show’s quintessential good cop/bad cop duo, as far as how they’d be emotionally received in tandem by a toddler. To me, Ernie was derpy and carefree, while I thought of his more browed counterpart Bert as a bit curmudgeonly.

After seeing this side of them, however, I would describe them both as “powerfully built.”

9. Mysterious Foot in the Men’s Room

There’s a lot to unpack here -- where did this mysterious foot come from? Where is it going? How did it deteriorate into the state of which it was documented? I wonder what creature it is sitting on the other side, hiding behind the bathroom stall; reduced to a single extremity.

While this picture, at first, might be off-putting, I decided there is a bit of utility to it. Looking at it for long stretches of time (30+ min) immediately before meals could help stifle one’s appetite, as a sort of dieting technique. If you want to apply this technique but don’t really want to look at this foot, which really is abhorrent to behold, pictures of dead bodies would probably suffice.